Those of you who have been listening to the show know that I am new to Clarksville by way of Houston, Texas. I really like it here, but sometimes y’all look at me funny because of the phrases that I use. So I figured I would run down some common phrases from Texas:

1. Fixin To: My father HATES this phrase. In his words “anyone who says Fixin To either hasn’t done what you’ve asked them or they’re just gonna keep puttin it off.” But in my defense, how else am I supposed to tell you it’s on my list of things to do? Would you rather hear me say “Well I haven’t gotten to it yet because the printer was broken and I’m waiting on the repair?” or “I’m Fixin To when the printer is fixed?”
2. Coke: Stay with me here. When I’m at your restaurant and you ask what I would like to drink and I say “A Coke” that doesn’t necessarily mean I want a Coca-Cola. In Texas “I want a coke” should be followed by “What kind?” because Coke is just code for “I would like a soda, please.” Unless it’s Dr Pepper. Then I’ll ask for a Dr Pepper. Also, lets just get this straight, no I would not like a Mr. Pibb. That dude didn’t finish school to get his soda degree.
3. Might Could: This is used when you’re unsure of what will happen. For instance, if you ask me to head out to The Thirsty Goat on a Friday and I WANT to go, but I’m tired, I’ll say “Well it depends on how I feel. I’m pretty tired but if I get a good nap in, I might could.” I’m showing interest that I want to hang out, but I don’t want to fully commit myself to the idea.
4. Bless Your Heart: This one is just a southern phrase, but this all depends on how your phrase it and what your inflection is. It’s a very versatile phrase and I love it. For instance, I could be talking with Jeff about football and he could be telling me something delusional like the Dallas Cowboys are the greatest franchise in the NFL’s history and I would say “awwwww Bless Your Heart”. In that case, I’m sympathizing with how naive he’s being. But if he starts telling me about how the Oilers gear I’m wearing is a throwback for the Titans and not the city of Houston, I would grow angry and instead of telling him to go *BLEEP* himself, I’d tell him “Bless Your Heart” and walk off. Again, be careful how you say this one.

I hope this clears some things up for y’all. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Now please, someone pass me a Coke. Preferably a Sprite.